How Others See Us

“We break our necks to earn respect and admiration, only to discover that we really have no control over how others perceive us.” – Anne Wilson Schaef

This is a hard lesson for all of us to learn. While each of us would like to manage our own public relations campaign, this is ultimately impossible. It is important to help our children realize that they cannot control what others think of them. We must all learn to do our best and let the chips fall where they may.

Life is Relative

“There are no absolutes for something so relative as a human life. There is no such thing as ‘best’ in a world of individuals.” – Hugh Prather

Prather invites us to be fully present in the moment. He calls us to live in the now, to see our children as one-of-kind individuals and to refrain from comparisons and evaluations. Grading children on a curve wounds the soul.

Teaching and Learning

“All human interactions are opportunities either to learn or to teach.” – M. Scott Peck

We can learn a great deal from our children as long as we’re open minded and humble enough to let them teach us. As parents, we may mistakenly believe it is our job to teach and our Children’s job to learn from us. One of the real joys of parenthood is the privilege of living in the same house with little persons who are discovering the world for the first time. We can learn so much from their curiosity, excitement and enthusiasm.

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Love of Self

“All ability to love begins with and is conditioned by one’s ability to love oneself. If we are to love others and to love life itself, we must have a true love for ourselves, a healthy self-image, a sense of self appreciation.” – John Powell, SJ

Some of us were taught that it is wrong to love ourselves. This was a serious mistake made by parents in previous generations. They did not understand the proper relationship between love of self and love of others. John Powell, a Jesuit scholar with degrees in theology and psychology, understands the proper relationship between love of others and love of self.

What’s done is done

Leave bad behavior to history and don’t keep bringing it up.

What’s done is done. Working toward a better future makes more sense than dwelling on history.”- Bettie Youngs

It is counterproductive to continually remind children of their mistakes. They need to be encouraged rather than reminded of the mistakes they’ve made in the past. Children need encouragement like a plant needs water. You can encourage effort. You can encourage a positive attitude. You can encourage small changes. Children’s behavior always improves with encouragement.

Knowing When to Quit

“In the face of an obstacle which is impossible to overcome, stubbornness is stupid.” — Simóne de Beauvoir

Sometimes we worry too much about being thought of as a quitter. Knowing when to quit is a sign of good judgment. As a parent we need to strike a balance between letting our kids quit something they have started and encouraging them to press on when they are filled with normal discouragement which is the result of facing a difficult task. Knowing when to quit can be a sign of real maturity and wisdom.

Your Child’s Self-esteem

“The best chance the child has of securing a level of high self-esteem is to have parents who possess it, model it, and want to instill it in their children.” – Bettie Youngs

Modeling good self-esteem is one of the most important things that parents can do for their children. Children learn more from who we are than what we say to them. Self-esteem is an internal resource that enables your children to meet the challenges they face. Without healthy self-esteem, children are less able to benefit from their native intelligence or athletic skills.

Source of Joy

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile is the source of your joy. – Thich Nhat Hanh

This Buddhist holy man knows that we can change our moods by changing our behavior. Sometimes our joy comes from a simple decision to act kindly, give unsparingly or smile broadly. Too often we overvalue spontaneity and undervalue the decision to practice being joyful.

All Over The Place

“One of the most notable characteristics of worrying is that it fragments our lives… [it] causes us to be ‘all over the place,’ but seldom at home… We know where we belong, but we keep being pulled away in many directions, as if we were still homeless. ‘All these other things’ keep us so far from home that we eventually forget our true address, that is, the place where we can be addressed.” – Henry Nouwen

Nouwen eloquently points to the dangers of worry to pull us off center. Then he sneaks up on us by reminding us that our serenity can only be experienced when we are open to be addressed by the creator. When we remember that the creator is also the one who surrounds our lives with truth, beauty and love, our worries disappear.

Uncertainty

“When we are not sure, we are alive.” – Graham Greene

Life is uncertain because the future is unknown. While uncertainty is an essential part of living, it is also the primary source of our anxiety. We are most anxious when our future is especially unpredictable, precarious and surrounded by danger. Consequently, we do all we can to fashion order and predictability. In spite of our best efforts, however, life remains uncertain and we are never sure. But we are alive! To have absolute certainty about tomorrow is to be dead, for when we are dead, there are no more surprises and no more decisions with unknown consequences. The good news is that uncertainty always contains new possibilities while absolute certainty offers neither possibilities nor opportunities for creative expression. Facing an unknown future is the very essence of life, without which there can be neither satisfaction nor fulfillment.