Positive Thoughts

“It takes practice to affirm someone since many of us and never were affirmed as children. The negative thoughts many of us give ourselves will persist unless we make an effort to replace them with positive thoughts. Affirmations take time to learn, practice and most of all believe. Keep trying. You are worth the effort!”-Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison

We can change our inner lives by changing the way we talk to ourselves. We talk to ourselves all day long. The question is, are we giving ourselves good thoughts or bad thoughts. By making a point to say positive things to ourselves, we can influence our brains, our attitudes, and our behavior.

Making Amends

“Children, too, need to learn how to make amends. Doing so allows them to take responsibility for their actions and to expiate the guilt and regret they often feel as a result of their misdeeds.” – Alex Packer

Making amends is a healing activity which we can share with our children. As parents we can model this behavior as well as teach our children how to make amends. Through making amends, children are able to experience the healing power of personal responsibility and forgiveness.

Self-acceptance

“Self-acceptance is the beginning of confidence. To live successfully, realize that you were capable of making a mistake.” – Maxwell Maltz

Self-acceptance always includes accepting our humanness. Our humanness includes the fact that all parents make mistakes. To be unwilling to accept the nature of our mistakes is to live in denial. Because we can go nowhere from where we are not, all change and personal growth begins by accepting our mistakes.

Strengths and Weaknesses

“How a family handles problems determines how functional they are. A trait of a low-functioning family is the inability to recognize its own strengths. Often we get so focused on what went wrong that we overlooked what went right.” – Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison

It’s important to acknowledge our strengths as well as our weaknesses. All families have problems and challenges. It is not useful to over emphasize weaknesses and under emphasize strengths. Success is more the result of building on the strengths that it is eliminating all weaknesses.

Perfectionism

“You don’t have to be all things to your kids. And your kids don’t want you to be either. It’s a lot easier for them if they don’t have to live up to someone who aspires to be God.” — Alex Packer

Perfectionism is a curse. God’s love for us is not dependent on our past, our performance or our perfectionism. None of us can be a perfect parent, or perfect anything else. We must all practice the courage to be imperfect. Perfectionism is a burden that robs ones life of joy in spontaneity.

Put Away The iPod

“There comes a time when you’ve got to put away the Game Boys, turn off the television set, put away the iPod, and get your kids down to work.” – Thomas L. Friedman

Friedman is a very busy man, but he has his priorities straight. As parents, we have to take responsibility to guide and direct our children rather then simply buy them the latest gadgets to entertain themselves so we don’t have to deal with them one on one. Actively involved parents are a joy to their kids.

Learning

“Curiosity, experience and awareness are the keys to learning. The child is the natural student for whom learning is not work.” – Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison

There is so much we can learn from our children. All we have to do is observe their eagerness to look at the world around them and learn how it works. They are naturally curious and trusting, eager to explore and discover what is around the next corner. We would do well to encourage and support their enthusiasm for learning.

Unconditional Love

“We love those who know the worst of us – and don’t turn their faces away.” – Walker Percy

This is the essence of unconditional love. Our children need to know that we will never turn away from them, in spite of any mistakes they make or any bad decisions they make. We all need those special persons in our lives who will stand by us, no matter what. Parents who play this role will never be disappointed because children who feel loved and accepted are eager to earn our respect.

Structure and Chaos

“With no structure there is chaos. With total structure there is no room for emptiness.” – M. Scott Peck

Healthy family life requires a proper balance between structure and chaos. With too much structure, there is no room for creativity, reflection and personal expression. Too much chaos leads to uncertainty and constant anxiety. Families need a meaningful level of predictability in order to function properly. It is our job as parents to provide this health balance for our children.

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Control

The attempt to control everything that happens in the family only produces power struggles and conflicts.

When parents attempt to control their children – including their thoughts, feelings and behavior – this attempt ultimately backfires. When you believe it is possible for parents to control their children – and discover that you can’t do it -abusive is inevitable. You will either abuse your children verbally, emotionally, or physically – or you will abuse yourself with shame and guilt. As parents, we have tremendous influence over the lives of our children. Influence is not the same as control, however. We cannot control their minds or their behavior. By using the full scope of our positive influence, however, we can encourage, guide and direct our children without causing destructive power struggles.

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