One Day at a Time

“Teaching our children to live one day at a time is one of the greatest gifts we can offer them. It means teaching them to be patient and accepting, to have faith and perspective. It means encouraging them to take good care of themselves, to seek progress rather than perfection.” – Alex Parker

Children are inpatient by nature. They will learn patience from our example as well as from our instruction. Our calm encouragement helps them to be more accepting of themselves and others. When we support their progress rather than demanding perfection, we help them to live one day at a time.

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Forgive Your Parents

“Our parents brought us the best way they knew how. Based on the information they had, and the example that was set for them, they ventured forth into the unknown territory known as ‘parenthood.’ To blame them endlessly for a lousy job of parenting is fruitless and destructive.” — Andrew Matthews

It’s time to forgive your parents and stop blaming them for screwing up your life. You have both the ability and responsibility to make your own life work, regardless of how your parents lived their lives. Just see to it that your children have a better foundation for their lives then you were given for yours.

Giving and Getting

“There is no established rule that says one person has to do all the giving and everyone else does the getting. Yet some families cripple themselves by appointing a specific person to be the giver, and nothing ever changes.” – Virginia Satir

It is important for children to witness their parents sharing, not only household tasks, but the emotional give-and-take of a healthy relationship as well. Otherwise, they will grow up with distorted ideas about relationships. A good marriage is a relationship in which there is a high degree of mutual the satisfaction. While none of us will ever get all we want or expect from our partner, but we can negotiate in good faith to meet one another’s needs.

Peace and Power

“Most people want peace without the aloneness of power. And they want the self-confidence of adulthood without having to grow up.” – M. Scott Peck

To become a competent parent takes courage. We must accept our power to shape our children’s lives for good or for ill. We won’t become self-confident by being their chums. Peace and power are two sides of the same coin.

Perfection is a Mistake

“You are your worst enemy when you want to be perfect. You become fearful of making a mistake, so you don’t assert yourself; therefore you cannot achieve happiness in life. You cannot gain friendship that way or in any negative way where you symbolically walk around on your knees trying to get attention by trying to please everybody.” — Maxwell Maltz

While we want our children to behave properly, it is an unnecessary burden, and even harmful, to expect them to be perfect. As parents, we must learn the means of correcting children’s behavior without implying that we expect them to be perfect. Far too many children from perfectionistic families grow up believing they can never please their parents, that they are never good enough, or that they are never truly loved.

Look at One Another in the Present

“What is so important to remember is to look at one another in the present, in the here and now. Eyes clouded with regret for the past or fear for the future limit your vision and offer little chance for growth or change.” — Virginia Satir

All too often parents worry so much about their child’s future that they are not connected with them in the here and now. It’s important to live in the present with children. The past is over and gone and the future has not yet come. Make a point to cherish the present moment with your children because it is at the only time you have with them.

Adolescent Rage

“Adolescent rage is the biggest learning disability in our culture. Adolescent rage often becomes adolescent boredom, apathy, not noticing, not caring. Angry children will not learn well, fare well, live well and certainly will not act well.” – Terry Kellogg and Marvel Harrison

Spoiled children have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. Exaggerated entitlement is often accompanied by rage. When spoiled children are denied their desires, they respond is rage. They use rage to make demands on their parents. A well mannered child has a sense of social interest.

Tolerance for Thinking

“While all forms of thinking should be tolerated, some forms of behavior should not be. In the end it is behavior that counts.” – M. Scott Peck

As parents, it is important to allow our children to express themselves freely, even when they’re upset and frustrated. It is equally important to set limits and establish boundaries concerning their behavior. Children who are free to express their thoughts and feelings are less prone to act out when they’re upset. Make sure when your children are expressing their frustration that they talk about their feelings without labeling or attacking others.

Straight Communication

“It is my belief that any family communication not leading to realness or straight, single levels of meaning cannot possibly lead to the trust and love that, of course, nourish members of the family.” – Virginia Satir

Straight communication is rarely experienced in chemically dependent family systems. In our recovery, we are learning to communicate in direct, non-gamy ways. We practice saying what we mean, and meaning what we say. We try to avoid all hidden meanings. If we’re upset, we say so. No hidden agendas.

Mistakes and Failures

Mistakes and Failures

Helping our children bounce back from their mistakes and failures without losing their momentum, helps our own recovery. We are careful not to scold them when they make mistakes during their ball games, for example. We never ridicule them, and we make certain we call attention to the things they do well, and not their mistakes. We remind them of the primacy of effort and enthusiasm. Skills will come in due time, if they truly to enjoy the game. — Thomas Wright