This goes for parents as well. It is always a mistake to try to prove to your children that you love them. All you need do is ask yourself, “Do I love my children?” If the answer comes back “yes,” then you are free to go about the business of being a parent to your children. All attempts to prove to your children that you love them will lead to disaster. Your children will quickly learn to exploit your insecurity by demanding evidence that you love them. These demands will gradually become more and more outrageous.

What does this say about our tendency to over protect our children? Could it be that our desire to keep our children comfortable, happy and fulfilled is actually robbing them of the motivation they need to grow and mature? Parents who hover over their children have been labeled, “helicopter parents.” An example of a helicopter parent is a parent who talks on the phone or text messages a college son or daughter several times each day. This form of interference undermines a young person’s ability to discover life for him or herself.

Off all the human emotions, anxiety is most easily transferred from one to another. The anxious mother soon has an anxious child. If parents are anxious about every day dangers and events, they will easily transmit these anxieties to their children. Make an effort to be calm and reasonable when dealing with the dangers and risks of life. This will not add a burden to the lives of your children.

When children’s belonging needs are met they are cooperative, well behaved, eager to learn and adventurous. On the other hand, when their belonging needs go unmet, children are troublesome, discouraged and mischievous. Their mischief and troublemaking is aimed at getting the attention they need but were unable to get through cooperative behavior.

White’s observation applies to parents and their children as well. It’s important for parents to patiently allow their children to learn from experience, rather than stepping in to correct them at every moment. After all, one thorn of experience is worth an entire wilderness of warning. By over correcting our children, we undermine their confidence and diminish their initiative. Never do for your child what your child can do for themselves, even if they do it imperfectly at first.

Parents are usually too concerned about their children’s mistakes. Making mistakes is an important part of learning. Too much attention paid to mistakes will undermine your child’s confidence and thwart their initiative. We must learn to correct our children’s mistakes without over emphasizing these mistakes in the process. Oftentimes mistakes are creative new ways of doing things.

Whenever you ask your arguing children, “Who started it,” you tempt them to lie. Blaming others is never a useful thing to do in personal relationships. Encourage your children to take responsibility for their own behavior and decisions. Be a model for them by taking full responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

All too often, parents pit a child against their other parent. A parent may do this by claiming that the child is offended by something the other parent says or does. When, in fact, it is the adult who takes offense at their partner’s actions or words. It is never appropriate for one parent to recruit a child as an ally against the other parent. This confuses children and puts them in a loyalty bind.

There is a hidden treasure in the current economic crisis. Financial hardship, especially when it is widespread, touching all classes, tends to bring people together in a common spirit. Affluence has an alienating effect, separating the rich from the poor, the affluent from those who struggle to make ends meet. When everyone struggles, we are more inclined to join hands and work together. This community spirit is long overdue in our culture.

It is important to teach our children to be assertive. To be assertive is not about pushing others around. It is about standing up for yourself. We cannot be with our children at every moment. It is important for them to know how to be assertive, to be able to express themselves and refuse to go along with others when they know it is wrong.